Cheeky Foodies Gifts

Todays Special: Vented Spleen.

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

'Don't write on that wall with crayons! It'll show up better on that wall over there.'

'Hey, honey bun!'

Child praying - asks god to bless his family and the new motorbike he's bought with his father's credit card.

Man visits palm reader with 'Doing Anything Tonight?' written on his hands.

Stand back - while I whip something up

"I do diet...between snacks."

'Coool! What's that called? 'Suicide bomber chicken'?'

If the fruit isn't genetically modified, explain the fruit fly.

'Oxygen with that swimsuit ma'am?'

"Have you ever licked cream off a woman's body?"

What can I get you? Coffee? Tea? Sandwich? The mackerel mocha sounds lovely. What's in it? The usual. Chocolate. Soy milk. Mackerel. Yes, but is the mackerel farm-raised or from the sea? Ocean. Atlantic? Pacific? Indian? Arctic? Antarctic? I'm not sure. Oh. Ok ... well what's the mackerel's mercury content? Negligible, I'm sure. Ok. Was it exposed to any chlorine? Or copper sulphate? Or malathion? Was it treated with kindness? Was it read stories and sung to before bedtime? Yes. Never mind, it s

'I recommend looking down your wife's top, sir.'

"Parrot Fish? Well THAT is going to repeat on me later..."

Beach Burger - without sand 75 cents extra.

When I see you I turn to jelly!

"Tell your chef I'd like something for a refined and cultured palate. For under ten bucks."

Hot pink (and purple) monkey love!

Thong World.

Before the smart phone there was the smart mouth.

'What do you fancy? A Zargoid Fliptonian, or a Martian?'

"There's a fly in my soup."

'Low fat, high fiber. We'll come back tonight for the rest of them.'

'If it walks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck, it's a genetically modified potato.'

'For God's sake, Ellie, we're vegetarian.'

Earl thought 'Take Your Daughter to Work Day,' was very dumb. 'How about hot dog ice cream?! Or a hot dog already chewed, saving me time by not chewing it?!'

"It takes the fun out of it when the food police say it's ok."

"Mother's deviling the Easter eggs. Is that sacrilegious?"

Rat with a suggestion for a messy kitchen.

ICE CREAM 137 FLAVORS, 'If you just want plain ice cream, sir, you'll have to sign a vanilla waiver.'

'You can eat anything you want on this diet, but there's a strict limit on what you can swallow.'

"Oh, I don't mind! Anything that tastes like a ten ounce, medium rare, rib-eye steak."

"I like the concept. Like the whole thing. But take out the arches."

I Will Not Chew My Pencil