Cheeky Chatter Pillows

"He said his first word today - pubbies!"

'...the next train arriving at platform one is the 10.45 fast service to orgasm central!'

'I see you've been calling a lot for that pretty night nurse again!'

'No - I've been mis-sold PIP implants.'

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

'One more for me an Tiffany, and one more for you and the road.'

'I don't think my homework is very good. My dog refused to eat it.'

'Your tweets have quite a following.'

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

"Blame the scientists who are teaching me sign-language Mum: It's not my fault if it's easier to learn the rude signs..."

Man visits palm reader with 'Doing Anything Tonight?' written on his hands.

Sticking out tongue

Justice for a heckler.

'The arrows were more practical,,,,but I found these have a higher success rate,'

"Thanks for my pocket money Dad. But you forgot to add 17.5% VAT."

A Stray Curmudgeon in a Field of Perennial Optimists.

Poking gentle fun at the company in the blog wasn't meant to include saying that the chief exec had a face like a baboons bottom.

Hot pink (and purple) monkey love!

"Your dump or mine..?"

"Wanna chill at my place?"

'I promised my Dad I'd be home by ten but I didn't say if that was P.M. or A.M..'

Footballer scores for the first time and wears T-Shirt reading: 'No longer a virgin.'

'I would appreciate it if you don't call out in class.'

'Hello Darling, I am on the bed with the window cleaner.'

"Hey! Are you staring at my assets?!"

"Oh, baby, hot caramel? You're going to dip me in hot caramel? I'll be right over."

Online Dating

'Anything worn under my kilt? No. Well-used but not worn!'

Fisherman buying fish on the way home...!

'Look what I found, Dad - Can I keep her?'

'Why don't you come to my birthday party? It'll be a great place for networking...'

'The bar's famous for its high spirits.'

"We lost Mr. Speak No Evil when he became a blogger."

Man tries to shake clinging dog off his leg. Dog says to another dog: 'I suppose you could say I'm a people person.'