Cheeky Chatter Prints

"He said his first word today - pubbies!"

'...the next train arriving at platform one is the 10.45 fast service to orgasm central!'

'I see you've been calling a lot for that pretty night nurse again!'

'No - I've been mis-sold PIP implants.'

Insult of the Moment: 'I facebooked your mum'.

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

'One more for me an Tiffany, and one more for you and the road.'

The Smartass Phone

'I don't think my homework is very good. My dog refused to eat it.'

'Your tweets have quite a following.'

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

"Blame the scientists who are teaching me sign-language Mum: It's not my fault if it's easier to learn the rude signs..."

Man visits palm reader with 'Doing Anything Tonight?' written on his hands.

Sticking out tongue

Justice for a heckler.

'The arrows were more practical,,,,but I found these have a higher success rate,'

"Thanks for my pocket money Dad. But you forgot to add 17.5% VAT."

A Stray Curmudgeon in a Field of Perennial Optimists.

Poking gentle fun at the company in the blog wasn't meant to include saying that the chief exec had a face like a baboons bottom.

Having noticed a hot-looking security woman, Mort quickly penned a note and stuck it in his briefcase.

'Big Issue!'

'I promised my Dad I'd be home by ten but I didn't say if that was P.M. or A.M..'

Footballer scores for the first time and wears T-Shirt reading: 'No longer a virgin.'

"Wanna chill at my place?"

Hot pink (and purple) monkey love!

"Your dump or mine..?"

'Hello Darling, I am on the bed with the window cleaner.'

'I would appreciate it if you don't call out in class.'

"Oh, baby, hot caramel? You're going to dip me in hot caramel? I'll be right over."

'I'm not a wine snob. You're a wine ignoramus.'

"Hey! Are you staring at my assets?!"

Fisherman buying fish on the way home...!

Online Dating

'Look what I found, Dad - Can I keep her?'

'Why don't you come to my birthday party? It'll be a great place for networking...'