Checkout Conversationalist Gifts

'Margie, that rude guy who's always on his cell phone is coming through my line again!'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'It's nothing serious. Rest is the best cure for binge shopping.'

Only One Item or Fewer.

"The checkout clerk will now testily remind you to press 'ok'."

"I don'y know about you guys, but I don't feel like I've lost one goddamn bit of my feminity."

Yeah, I woke up as a roach because I was so full of existential dread – Why did you wake up as a dung beetle?

Checkout for $385.00 or more.

"How much of this stuff can I eat before it can no longer be returned?"

"Let's just get through the first aisle...then we'll discuss your impulse buying."

'You're the first person to ask for a shopping hour in addition to a lunch hour.'

Tescos: 'Oh no! There's no chocolate at the checkout!'

"Wanna chill at my place?"

'Blimey, you must have charged for the trolley as well!'

"I broke it off with him when I realized his love of quinoa was but a sham."

"Is this the wobbly table? I'll put my screenplay under this leg."

"Let's face it, Tom. A society that's paying its Frank Sinatras and Johnny Carsons more than its yous and mes is out of whack."

Bank Checking Accounts. Yes, deposits are guaranteed, sir --- but withdrawals aren't.

"I think I can detect an influence from her days as a check-out girl"

'That's Jeb Lambert. He was actually the first one to say 'paper or plastic'. Before that everyone said 'plastic or paper'... I mean, can you imagine?'

Have a nice day - This Means You.

I'm finally done celebrating the State of the Union address. What are you talking about? House of Java.net CyberCafe. Every year after the speech, I drive cross-country and date ladies from every region, and of every race, creed and color. It's my way of spending time with like-minded patriots to celebrate how we're all more similar than we are different. Whether you're in California, the deep south or far-off Hawaii, you're never more than a 2-hour drive from miniature golf. Think about that.

'Sir, wait! You can't go yet! The register hasn't finished spitting out all your valuable coupons.'

"I thought I was a writer, but it turned out to be a chemical imbalance."

"Why is it sooo difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking. . . ?"

"Who's next?"

'Sorry, the bag boy's down with the flu,'

'Which eight do you want?'

Good afternoon, Sir. Did you know a canvasser becomes frustrated and violent every 24 minutes in this country?

'Is it my fault the supermarket trolley had a mind of its own?'

"I'm doing well at school. My teacher says I've got an answer for everything."

'That's eleven..!!' ( 10 items or less counter ).

Hell for cashiers.

'My former boss will tell you I tend to say inappropriate things. But that's because he's an uptight jerk like you.'

'Baseball isn't a religion Eddie.'