Checkout Clerk Gifts

Hell for cashiers.

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

The witch of the west again showed no water usage for the month.

"It's felt to be his most thought provoking work."

'Sorry sir,but we can't just take your word that the boots leak'

"Pillows for sleeping on are downstairs. These are all for screaming into."

"Where can I find the lefts?"

"Not much in the way of loot, but we got a ton of store credit."

'It's a new rule, sir - There's a seven-day waiting period for stamps now.'

'No, I'm afraid we don't have calendars in dog-years.'

'Take it easy, the textbooks will be here. It's only August 30.'

A man sitting in the grass reading

'We couldn't give away black-and-white TVs until we started advertising them as having 'non multi-color capability'.'

"Your receipt is also available in a choice of colors."

University Book Store.

"Do you have anything else by the same author?"

Self-Improvement, Self-Empowerment, Self-Aggrandizement

"...And our 'Holiday Scented' candle smells just like credit cards."

How much would you take off for cash?

'I want to return this wallet. I can't seem to keep any money in it.'

"Do you carry any shampoos that have been tested on little kittens?"

'You did want him wrapped, didn't you?'

Clown applying mustard to balloon hotdog.

"Because it's got a goddam crack in it, that's why."

'Accounting has suggested we standardize our billing procedure.'

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

'Does my posterior appear oversized in this?'

"Would you really want to read a book by a comedian that didn't have wide margins?"

"What's wrong with you? This isn't what I want! Do you know what you're doing? Can you get me a smarter clerk?"

"Let's just get through the first aisle...then we'll discuss your impulse buying."

Do It Yourself Stores: Help Wanted

"Do you have any why-to books?"

'I think I see your problem. You didn't use the swear words listed in the assembly instructions.'