Checkout Clerk Gifts

Hell for cashiers.

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

The witch of the west again showed no water usage for the month.

"It's felt to be his most thought provoking work."

'Sorry sir,but we can't just take your word that the boots leak'

"Pillows for sleeping on are downstairs. These are all for screaming into."

"The suit - it's rejecting your body."

"Where can I find the lefts?"

"Not much in the way of loot, but we got a ton of store credit."

'It's a new rule, sir - There's a seven-day waiting period for stamps now.'

'No, I'm afraid we don't have calendars in dog-years.'

'Take it easy, the textbooks will be here. It's only August 30.'

"Your receipt is also available in a choice of colors."

Self-Improvement, Self-Empowerment, Self-Aggrandizement

'We couldn't give away black-and-white TVs until we started advertising them as having 'non multi-color capability'.'

Science Books. Do you have any books about Lepidoptera? Yes, and would you like to join "The Book of the Moth Club"?

University Book Store.

A man sitting in the grass reading

"Do you have anything else by the same author?"

"...And our 'Holiday Scented' candle smells just like credit cards."

'You did want him wrapped, didn't you?'

"Because it's got a goddam crack in it, that's why."

'I want to return this wallet. I can't seem to keep any money in it.'

How much would you take off for cash?

"Do you carry any shampoos that have been tested on little kittens?"

Clown applying mustard to balloon hotdog.

'Accounting has suggested we standardize our billing procedure.'

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

"Let's just get through the first aisle...then we'll discuss your impulse buying."

"What's wrong with you? This isn't what I want! Do you know what you're doing? Can you get me a smarter clerk?"

Book Store. Information. In what section would I find guides to government regulations? "Books on Red Tape".

'Does my posterior appear oversized in this?'

"Would you really want to read a book by a comedian that didn't have wide margins?"

Do It Yourself Stores: Help Wanted

"Do you have any why-to books?"