Checking In T-Shirts

'You have to give up this devil-may-care fattitude.'

"Honey, do these sweatpants make me look like I prefer we stay in tonight so I can watch the game?"

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

"On New Year's Eve, Clement and I stayed up all night drinking. Tea, of course."

Love is when you watch television together.

Moving in

"There goes our early night."

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"I'm pleased that you have finally come home, I can't get the parrot back into its cage."

'Horace spends his spare time being a rock critic.'

'I preferred her in the margarine commercial.'

"Roll over. Your Zs are looking like Ns."

'Misery is sleeping in late on Saturday morning then realizing it's only Wednesday...'

"Today's flight is overbooked. Is there someone who would accept a free travel voucher in return for teaching us how to correctly book a flight?"

'Just one criticism of you review of last night's opening play - you omitted to mention that the theatre burnt down while you were supposed to be there!'

Bank. Moving Co. Joe got an apartment above the bank. He moved his things in today. Now he can say his "assets are over ten million dollars"!

"Writing that book was a real strain."

"Is this your husbands first flight?"

"But everything seems so neat and orderly we'd never guess that your lives are falling apart."

'Sir, your suitcase is quantitatively challenged.'

Patient sees smiling doctor and mean-looking doctor: 'Oh, I get it ? it's the old good cholesterol/bad cholesterol routine.'

"I love the smell of unemployment in the morning."

"Thanks so much for letting me crash here, I really appreciate how unassertive you are."

"Your boss wants you in early for WHAT?"

"Baldo, time to get up! It's the first day of school!"

"Well, there's nothing wrong with his lungs anyway."

"Hey Frank, how was your colonoscopy?" "In and out."

"Isn't this more fun than spending money on dinner and a movie?"

Is this your social life?: Party - Or is this: Fall asleep infront of Frasier.

Wine-tasting Tour.

'No, he won't be attending your car club meeting tonight. He's agreed to stay home and watch a romantic movie with me!'

HOSPITAL ADMISSIONS,

Scenes from a marriage