Movingin T-Shirts

"I'm pleased that you have finally come home, I can't get the parrot back into its cage."

The fate of the emigrant

LAY ZEE FUK

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

"It looks like our house got sick and threw up the attic."

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"You've changed."

"Careful with that - the wife made it at pottery class."

"I guess opposites do attract. She's a real shaker, and he's such a grind."

Layer cake

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

'Is there any chance at all I could get you to stop leaving your pantyhouse laying around?!'

Love is when you watch television together.

'It's a blonde, long-legged species with a melodious voice and it goes south for the winter.'

Girl who can't cook meets guys who can't fix stuff.

"I can't get used to being a grownup."

"This happens everytime someone asks to speak to the head of the household."

Acme. Breakable prop transporter.

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

'Mongrel' 'Bitch's' - His and Hers towels for Dogs.

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

Pyjama party

"Could we be getting a little too museum-quality?"

"I'm so glad we enjoy the same style foreplay."

"You're hogging the covers again!"

What are you in the mood to get confused watching tonight?

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

"It's not the paranormal activity that bothers me so much as the passive aggression."