Movingin Gifts

"I'm pleased that you have finally come home, I can't get the parrot back into its cage."

The fate of the emigrant

LAY ZEE FUK

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

"It looks like our house got sick and threw up the attic."

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Cat Towels

"You've changed."

"Careful with that - the wife made it at pottery class."

'Sure, go ahead! Evolve! It's all the rage, I know! Have fun! I'll just sit here in this murky, primordial soup with nothing but plankton for company. Why should you stay here with your mother? The one who raised you, fed you...'

"I don't think the turkey's going to be done on time. That's the dishwasher."

'Is there any chance at all I could get you to stop leaving your pantyhouse laying around?!'

Layer cake

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

Love is when you watch television together.

'It's a blonde, long-legged species with a melodious voice and it goes south for the winter.'

Girl who can't cook meets guys who can't fix stuff.

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

"I can't get used to being a grownup."

"I guess opposites do attract. She's a real shaker, and he's such a grind."

"This happens everytime someone asks to speak to the head of the household."

Pyjama party

'Mongrel' 'Bitch's' - His and Hers towels for Dogs.

"I'm so glad we enjoy the same style foreplay."

Acme. Breakable prop transporter.

"You're hogging the covers again!"

"Could we be getting a little too museum-quality?"

Bed Seasons

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

What are you in the mood to get confused watching tonight?

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'