Moving In Together Gifts

"We can't agree on a size."

"It's not the paranormal activity that bothers me so much as the passive aggression."

-"Why bother to budget?" -"So we can worry BEFORE we spend our money as well as AFTER we spend our money."

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

"Honey, I'm home!"

Coming home to her house-husband.

He wanted a big-screen TV; she didn't. So they compromised. She let him sit closer to the screen.

"Would you have liked any help?"

Just Moved In Together.

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

Base camp for Ed and Janet Wilson's courageous attempt to scale Mt. Blended Family.

Filers should not marry pilers.

'But you have your own drawer - what greater display of commitment could you want?'

Which one of these things is the soap?

'How many times do I have to tell you... colours with colours, whites with whites!'

"Now that I've moved my files down here to the basement, we'll be able to spend a lot more time together."

'No, I don't remember asking you to move in with me. Not only that, I don't remember who you are!'

"Did you remember to do everything I asked, even the small things I said in passing that didn't sound like real requests?"

'You've never planted potatoes before have you?'

Attorney - Pre-nups, post-nups, just shacking up-nups.

'Are you still eating your breakfast? I want to lay the table for lunch.'

'I'm going to have a bath, shall I leave the water in for you?'

...If sauce has not begun to thicken after 10 minutes, pour contents back into can and wait for your wife to get home.

“I don’t mind doing the dishes every night—it gives me time to deepen my resentment.”

A planet like ours - Penguin to camel - "It wouldn't work either way my darling. I'm getting sunburnt out here and back home you'd freeze to death."

"Why don't we just get a remote control?"

"I don't care what your mother did—I'm not eating the fleas off your back."

"OK, so new decluttering strategy: we put all the tchotchkes in a box in the basement, then throw them away in 10-15 years when their emotional hold over us has sufficiently weakened."

Effective Catcalls

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

"I worry about every little thing. Barry's more of a generalist."

'Did you mess with the thermostat again?'

'You did remember the condoms didn't you?'

"I Met Him Through Caller-ID."

'Perhaps it's time to take this relationship to the next level.' 'I'm not sharing the remote.'