Moving In Together Pillows

"We can't agree on a size."

"It's not the paranormal activity that bothers me so much as the passive aggression."

-"Why bother to budget?" -"So we can worry BEFORE we spend our money as well as AFTER we spend our money."

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

"Honey, I'm home!"

Coming home to her house-husband.

"Would you have liked any help?"

He wanted a big-screen TV; she didn't. So they compromised. She let him sit closer to the screen.

Just Moved In Together.

Base camp for Ed and Janet Wilson's courageous attempt to scale Mt. Blended Family.

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

"Now that I've moved my files down here to the basement, we'll be able to spend a lot more time together."

Which one of these things is the soap?

Filers should not marry pilers.

'How many times do I have to tell you... colours with colours, whites with whites!'

"Did you remember to do everything I asked, even the small things I said in passing that didn't sound like real requests?"

'You've never planted potatoes before have you?'

'No, I don't remember asking you to move in with me. Not only that, I don't remember who you are!'

'Your rhino, or mine?'

"I worry about every little thing. Barry's more of a generalist."

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

'Did you mess with the thermostat again?'

Effective Catcalls

'Perhaps it's time to take this relationship to the next level.' 'I'm not sharing the remote.'

"I don't care what your mother did—I'm not eating the fleas off your back."

'You did remember the condoms didn't you?'

...If sauce has not begun to thicken after 10 minutes, pour contents back into can and wait for your wife to get home.

"Mind if I read a little?"

She always knew he had skeletons in the cupboard but the ones in the kitchen came as a shock.

'Are you still eating your breakfast? I want to lay the table for lunch.'

"The closest we get to an intimate dining experience is ordering delivery together."

“I don’t mind doing the dishes every night—it gives me time to deepen my resentment.”

"I Met Him Through Caller-ID."

"OK, so new decluttering strategy: we put all the tchotchkes in a box in the basement, then throw them away in 10-15 years when their emotional hold over us has sufficiently weakened."

'I'm going to have a bath, shall I leave the water in for you?'