Cheating Comedian Gifts

'I've got the answers to the test written on my hands and arms. It's old school artificial intelligence.'

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

Bug Spray/Sun Screen

'George! This way quick!'

Servant Painting Targets Around Arrows Shot by a King

"America hasn't been discovered yet -- how about cheddar?"

'Don't worry about the dishes. I did them.'

"The president wants me to stay on as unemployed."

'I hear the meeting was cancelled last Saturday.' - 'Yeah. Someone drugged the hare.'

'Let this guy go. He's working under cover.'

Will sneak through the woods and throw your ball back into the fairway.

"I tried to rob a bank and failed! I tried to steal an old ladies bag and failed! So why not use as my defense, the old saying, 'You can't blame a person for trying'?"

"Robert prays for the answers."

'...Then I swept down the staircase, into the ballroom.'

"Come on Father, confess. You haven't been keeping to your diet, have you?"

Deadly Sins Dept. Envy. Lust. Sloth. Pride. Greed. Wrath. Gluttony. At times it seems like it should be, but "oversharing" is not a deadly sin.

"Hold it right there buster! Is that a wedding ring I can see?"

Uncomfortably open Mike night.

Sprint race about to start. One contestant wearing a rocket attached to his back. The fuse is lit ready to help him win the race.

"Janet, we have to stop meeting like this. It has become a source of increasing friction in my marriage to Elizabeth."

"You always show up at the WORST possible time!"

Mrs. Bortluber saves all the gunk she cleans from her computer.

'You either need an antihistamine or a heart transplant -- I'll have to check your credit rating to be sure.'

"I was caught by the VAT man."

Cheating at golf.

'You, you, you. Why is it always about you?'

"Yes, I'm vegan and no longer eat the prey animals but it's still a lot of fun to kill them!"

I think I'll holiday at home this year!'

'Well, that's what we get for listening to reason.'

"...and then there's the small matter of that ball you planted on the fourth green."

'I've always been a bit of a ladies' man.'

I know it's been ages since my last confession, but I trust you've been getting my texts?

'...I'm leaving you for Reg next door'

Man in bath not alone.

'Well, I got that nasty stain out of the carpet!'