Cheating Satire Gifts

Sprint race about to start. One contestant wearing a rocket attached to his back. The fuse is lit ready to help him win the race.

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

'To cut back on traveling expenses, we're going to start sending you out as an e-mail attachment.'

"You need to stop taking your work home with you. Take mine instead."

'When I said you could name your salary, I meant you could give it a name.'

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'

"One question, what's a share option?"

'He insists on being a part of the corporate pipeline.'

'As you know, Wilson, our CEO screwed up big time, so he was fired and gets a big bonus. But because of his mistakes, you just get fired.'

'The good news is that from now on I belong to a very rare species. There aren't many personnel managers who create their own pink slip.'

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the recruitment and training of new staff to replace the staff we laid off."

'It's signed by the entire office. You're not too popular areound here, are you?'

"I've been thinking, but I'm going to stop."

"My God! There goes middle management."

"I'm long term unemployed because jerks like you won't hire me!"

'Oh, oh! Here comes the queen! Look busy!'

'What's the concept? I'm not sure what you're trying to say, Ms. Harris.'

"Maybe you do have all the answers but they didn't match any of our questions."

'No no Mr. Peters, you are not being outsourced. You are being virtualised in 'the cloud'.'

'I under-achieve because you over-expect.'

"I have the profit sharing figures. You owe the company �2,367.25."