Bribery Satire Gifts

"Give me insights on marketing to your age demographic...and I'll give you a bright shiny penny."

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

Lethal Presentation

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

"We have an acronym!"

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

Personally, I was hoping for more from the intermediary process.'

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

'Before we starnt, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'Hey, the quarter wasn't so bad after all.'

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

'I think it is our duty to fully-experience the excess profits.'

"I was a lot happier with the elephant in the room."

Now that I finally have an expense account, there's no time to eat.

It come's to my attention that you have been doing the work of two men.

"I haven't the slightest idea who he is. He came bundled with the software."

"After an extensive analysis of your company's strengths and weaknesses our recommendation is to give us more money."

'We use a modified 'carrot and stick' approach here - We've done away with the carrot.'

"Unlike other companies, we are going to take the high road through this rough time, even if, at some point, we're obliged to raid the employee pension fund! Is everybody clear on that?"

"And then, like an idiot, I turned to the boss and said 'Maybe the stock market isn't the only thing that's been overvalued!'"