Bribery Humorist Gifts

"...I'll get you some alone time with the Wilson's poodle."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

"Gee, thanks pal."

"Any questions?"

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

'Gentlemen, I've been authorized to sweeten the offer.'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"Wake up Thomas, it's not 2020. There's no Zoom camera to turn off to hide yourself."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'Ho,ho,ho, but can you be more specific?'

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

'Yo-you Ma will now raise our spirits and assuage our pain.'

'And finally. . . where do you see yourself on the food chain 5 years from now?'

'Mongrel' 'Bitch's' - His and Hers towels for Dogs.

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."