Audit Humorist Gifts

I.R.S. - Looters will be hired.

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"Any questions?"

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

Will work for ETFs

'Gentlemen, I've been authorized to sweeten the offer.'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

"Wake up Thomas, it's not 2020. There's no Zoom camera to turn off to hide yourself."

'Pretty strange term, market share, considering the whole object is not to.'

'Ho,ho,ho, but can you be more specific?'

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

"Might you explain to me how your division managed to spend twenty-six thousand dollars on tennis balls?"

Money Bar.

'Yo-you Ma will now raise our spirits and assuage our pain.'

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'