Bribery Satire Prints

"Give me insights on marketing to your age demographic...and I'll give you a bright shiny penny."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

Lethal Presentation

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

"We have an acronym!"

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

Personally, I was hoping for more from the intermediary process.'

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

We're cutting the forest in half, so I'm going to need you to make the oxygen of two trees.

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

'Before we starnt, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'Hey, the quarter wasn't so bad after all.'

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

'I think it is our duty to fully-experience the excess profits.'

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

"I was a lot happier with the elephant in the room."

"After an extensive analysis of your company's strengths and weaknesses our recommendation is to give us more money."

It come's to my attention that you have been doing the work of two men.

"I haven't the slightest idea who he is. He came bundled with the software."

Now that I finally have an expense account, there's no time to eat.

'This is Bob - our secret agent of change.'

'We use a modified 'carrot and stick' approach here - We've done away with the carrot.'

"To make things more democratic, I've decided to introduce a round-table policy."

"Unlike other companies, we are going to take the high road through this rough time, even if, at some point, we're obliged to raid the employee pension fund! Is everybody clear on that?"