Comedy Convict Gifts

'I tried to get you into one of those country club prisons but you were rejected by the inmate membership committee.'

'Well, that's what we get for listening to reason.'

I think I'll holiday at home this year!'

Robber on treadmill

When staffing agencies screw up.

The Mafia Goes Green.

"I'm investigating the theft of a breadcrumb by an ant matching your description."

The Mafia isn't what it used to be...

"Remember, we're an enlightened group. We victimize everyone. No hate crimes for us."

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

'I'm always broke because I keep getting MUGGED!'

'Let this guy go. He's working under cover.'

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

Cuffwear, 2004

'Equal protection of the law, my foot! -- That was RANK discrimination against bank robbers!'

Inmate on cell phone: 'I'd like to request 'Jailhouse Rock'.'

"I tried to rob a bank and failed! I tried to steal an old ladies bag and failed! So why not use as my defense, the old saying, 'You can't blame a person for trying'?"

Convict Decor

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

Police artist drawing a snarling dog while an injured cat desribes him

Prison baseball game features Bankers vs. Wall Street.

Post Office fraud wing in a prison.

'Which section, guilty, innocent, or framed?'

'They got me for 'hate-texting.''

"They want to spend the weekend at Daddy's" (Colour)

'I was told to reach for the stars but when I did, I was arrested for stalking.'

'I suppose you'd like your porridge shaken, not stirred?'

"Look on the bright side. You no longer live with your parents."

Martha bakes with her new friends.

"I've rented the extra room to an escaped convict - maybe you know him."

Bullfighter and Bull Cellmates