Chat Shows Gifts

'So! You're still watching those talk shows after I told you to stop!'

Conan O'Brien

Michael Parkinson.

'Our mother, I'm so pent up with rage I could twitter!'

Graham Norton

Zombie standup

Moses on the web

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

The President Elect approved by 3 out of 4 talk show hosts!

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

Pet Entertainers

Succession 2

Woman on the phone.

"What's the final episode of 'Seinfeld' about?""It's about nothing."

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

"I wanted a partner... I got a co-host."

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

Day two of our series: America's sleeping pill addiction. My guest, pillhead Rudy Park. I'm not a pillhead. Come clean. Admit the obvious truth. What truth? Rush Limbaugh made you do it! A political pundit never misses an opportunity. You got hooked only after O'Reilly harassed you.

'What TV show do frog princes go on ...?...'

"At least their bull sessions are green. Everything they say is 100% biodegradable."

'Is there a lady in the audience whose late husband says he never did put up that shelf?'

You're right, boss, there may be too much idle chit-chat, but let me talk it over with my friends.

'This is fantastic! I don't know what's smaller, the talk or the food?'

War Heros Variety Night (playing a tune on his medals).

'Who's a pretty boy! Is that all you've got to say?'

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! Super delegates. A candidate could win the most votes in the primaries but lose anyway of the superdelegates want someone else! Can you believe that? Oh stop yer sniveling. In my day, the parties chose candidates in smoke-filled backrooms without even pretending the people get a vote. At least this charade gets you out of the house. Gets the blood pumping. I guess.

Boys and Girls: Differences in Internet Surfing.

Happy Birthday Magicians of America

"Did you hear Sadie's show today?"