Talk Shows Gifts

Trappist talk show.

The Freudian Slip Shop.

'Do you think we need more conversation in our relationship?'

'In the few minutes remaining, Dr. Nemo, could you briefly give us some idea what you've been talking about for the last hour?'

"When 'Hey Diddle Diddle' came along, we jumped at the chance to work together."

'He's got a lot of talent and everything, but I just don't think he's cut out for talk radio.'

'He's a Jerry Springer Spaniel.'

'...my next guest has been described as an extrovert..a hell raiser..a man of many suprises...'

'What TV show do frog princes go on ...?...'

Information / Way To Much Information

'You climbed all the way up here, just to ask about the meaning of life?.. You could have got that from 'The Oprah Winfrey show'!'

"Hello! Go ahead, Syracuse, New York."

'Yes, it's a very interesting show, but we really need to talk about all the time you waste watching it - perhaps during the next commercial break.'

'The Supreme Court today upheld a lower court ruling, only to have it overturned by Oprah!'

'Frankly, that just sounds like the sort of thing a cat would say.'

'Actually, I haven't written it yet, I'm doing the promotional tour first, to see if being an author is the right career move for me!'

"People who watched 'Donahue'-next on 'Geraldo'!"

TALK-SHOW STUDIO, 'We're on a ten-second delay in case a caller says something that makes sense.'

'This is a talk show, buddy -- put the gun down!'

Elections

"No - I'm not listening to my radio!"

Sarah Palin 'Going Rogue'.

"Did we tell you? Debbie's going to be on 'Car Talk.'"

"I feel that if I wait here long enough Oprah will give me something."

"I never watched him at eleven-thirty-five and I didn't watch him at ten, and now, once again, I won't be watching him at eleven-thirty-five."

"I like my late-night humor unfunny."

"They're going through a bitter marriage."

“You want a football game? I’ll give you a football game. You want a talk show? I’ll give you a talk show. But, for Pete’s sake, let’s not have all that mindless switching around.”

Items From the Jay Leno Fan Club

Why Kids Don't Host Talk Shows

"So there you were, trapped in a no-future job."

"I understand you've learned some new tricks since you were here last."

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

This call may be recorded and used in a podcast.