Watching Talk Shows Gifts

Sulk Shows.

"I did all my own stunts."

"Darling, let's forget all those things we said about each other on Sally, Oprah and Joan Rivers."

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

Easter Bunny Talk Show

"Mr. Jerry Springer - have I got something for you!"

Got Oprah?

'The way I see it, with all the talk shows out there, nobody needs a wife!'

'Next on Oprah - dogs who are sick of being stereotyped as man's best friend!'

'Get out the talk-show set, this guy's tough!'

'I wish there was someone here who could insult me and give me hope at the same time!'

'Bailiff, there's a fight in the jury room. Someone turned off Dr. Phil.'

'I don't care if he takes the pressure off of you when we talk -- get rid of the co-host!'

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

The President Elect approved by 3 out of 4 talk show hosts!

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

'Has Oprah ever been married?'

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

"I wanted a partner... I got a co-host."

Must-See Lockdown TV.

'Not only will you know everything but I'll see that you get your own talk show.'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

Day two of our series: America's sleeping pill addiction. My guest, pillhead Rudy Park. I'm not a pillhead. Come clean. Admit the obvious truth. What truth? Rush Limbaugh made you do it! A political pundit never misses an opportunity. You got hooked only after O'Reilly harassed you.

"Welcome back to the We Were Bored and Had Nothing Else To Do podcast."

'What TV show do frog princes go on ...?...'

"The real question is whether health care is a basic human right or a bona-fide commercial opportunity."

Letterman Show: 'He's always been at my side...the one consonant in my life...'

'Now stay tuned for 'Hope - Myth or Reality', to be followed by 'Reality - Hope or Myth'.'

"Dad, will you play judge and tell me if Raymond or Joey is the father of my baby doll?"