Chaotic Pet Caretaker Gifts

'I used it to clip the dog. Why?'

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

He acts all cool and feral until the can of food comes out. Jingle jingle jingle.

'They sure have small litters.'

"Which end does the diaper go on 'cause there's stuff comin' out of both of 'em!"

With Wally the hermit crab showing no signs of life, Shirley yields to her kids' pleas and performs mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

Dog Food

Egg Buggy

"You spoil those pterodactyls!"

'I've got it written down...'

Dog wearing a cone around his waist: 'Hemorrhoids.'

My Bowl Is Empty.

"He says he can quit anytime, but I'm starting to worry."

"Tom, did you forget to feed the pets tonight?"

"Yes, it is a beautiful day but what makes you think you can go outside and play?"

"A chewed slipper? I love it. No, really."

'In ancient Egypt, cats were treated like gods and in this house, it's pretty much the same: Come in friend...'

'Please bow your head and cough. I need to check your hairballs.'

"Relax - it's just for a few days until they find a place of their own."

'Word to the wise: Always check the cheese for pills.'

'Tootsie-pie is going to be spaded, just like Mother.'

"Dear God, no! Not her first edition of 'Franny and Zooey'! You've ruined us!!"

'Go ahead, open it. It's a ball.'

"Bailey! What part of 'never jump on the Stickley' don't you understand?!"

Before you feed him/After you feed him.

Zen Kitten

Captain's Log: Day 3 of Polly's cracker detox was a tough one...

"Guess who's the 'rendered'."

'I think it's time we told kitty she was adopted.'

I tried thinking outside the box once. That was a big mistake!

"I'm prescribing a placebo. You'll have to explain to him that it's really working."

"What have you done?"

'I feel ridiculous!'

'I'm sorry, we did all we could, but she had a severe case of curiosity.'

'My nipples are sore and I haven't been outside for days. That's why I'm growling.'