Chaotic Pet Caretaker T-Shirts

'I used it to clip the dog. Why?'

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

"Which end does the diaper go on 'cause there's stuff comin' out of both of 'em!"

'They sure have small litters.'

Dog Food

"You spoil those pterodactyls!"

'I've got it written down...'

Egg Buggy

My Bowl Is Empty.

"Relax - it's just for a few days until they find a place of their own."

'In ancient Egypt, cats were treated like gods and in this house, it's pretty much the same: Come in friend...'

"He says he can quit anytime, but I'm starting to worry."

"Tom, did you forget to feed the pets tonight?"

"Yes, it is a beautiful day but what makes you think you can go outside and play?"

"A chewed slipper? I love it. No, really."

'Word to the wise: Always check the cheese for pills.'

'Tootsie-pie is going to be spaded, just like Mother.'

Before you feed him/After you feed him.

'Go ahead, open it. It's a ball.'

Zen Kitten

"Bailey! What part of 'never jump on the Stickley' don't you understand?!"

"Dear God, no! Not her first edition of 'Franny and Zooey'! You've ruined us!!"

I tried thinking outside the box once. That was a big mistake!

Captain's Log: Day 3 of Polly's cracker detox was a tough one...

'I think it's time we told kitty she was adopted.'

"Guess who's the 'rendered'."

"What have you done?"

"I'm prescribing a placebo. You'll have to explain to him that it's really working."

'I feel ridiculous!'

'I'm sorry, we did all we could, but she had a severe case of curiosity.'

"We'll be back Monday. Feed the cats, water the plants and ask for one-forty-two-five."

'My nipples are sore and I haven't been outside for days. That's why I'm growling.'