Eccentric Pet Custodian T-Shirts

'Every morning precisely at seven, Mrs Henderson took Petey out on his exercise fly.'

Seagiraffes

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

'They sure have small litters.'

"Oooooh....a western wear dog cone. Sexy!"

"We have to stop meeting like this – people are starting to talk ‘psychiatric ward.’"

Dog Food

"You spoil those pterodactyls!"

Egg Buggy

"Yes, it is a beautiful day but what makes you think you can go outside and play?"

'In ancient Egypt, cats were treated like gods and in this house, it's pretty much the same: Come in friend...'

"Tom, did you forget to feed the pets tonight?"

'Word to the wise: Always check the cheese for pills.'

'Go ahead, open it. It's a ball.'

'It's not art - I just overfed my goldfish!'

'They go on a lot of picnics.'

"Last chance — where’s the wet food?"

'Why can't you just chew bones like other dogs?' (dog smoking pipe).

"I'm prescribing a placebo. You'll have to explain to him that it's really working."

Captain's Log: Day 3 of Polly's cracker detox was a tough one...

"Ya know, it wouldn’t kill you to bark."

'I feel ridiculous!'

'I'm sorry, we did all we could, but she had a severe case of curiosity.'

"Why can't you just hang out the window like all the other dogs!?"

"Has anyone fed the goldfish?"

'My nipples are sore and I haven't been outside for days. That's why I'm growling.'

"We'll be back Monday. Feed the cats, water the plants and ask for one-forty-two-five."

"My nose isn't wet and runny I think I'm getting a cold."

Rabbit

"I can die at peace now knowing your toe nails are neatly clipped."

'This is your bowl - keep it nice.'

'Can't she practice birth control instead of getting fixed?'

' Emergency Pet Hospital? My Basset Hound got into my husband's Viagara...'