Eccentric Pet Custodian T-Shirts

'Every morning precisely at seven, Mrs Henderson took Petey out on his exercise fly.'

Seagiraffes

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

"Oooooh....a western wear dog cone. Sexy!"

'They sure have small litters.'

"We have to stop meeting like this – people are starting to talk ‘psychiatric ward.’"

With Wally the hermit crab showing no signs of life, Shirley yields to her kids' pleas and performs mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

Dog Food

"You spoil those pterodactyls!"

Egg Buggy

Dog wearing a cone around his waist: 'Hemorrhoids.'

"Tom, did you forget to feed the pets tonight?"

'In ancient Egypt, cats were treated like gods and in this house, it's pretty much the same: Come in friend...'

"Yes, it is a beautiful day but what makes you think you can go outside and play?"

'Word to the wise: Always check the cheese for pills.'

'It's not art - I just overfed my goldfish!'

How did you get a talking gerbil? Long, long, long story. My mom was a geneticist. My dad was a zoologist. They were in love once, but they loved their science more, and grew far, far apart. To save the marriage, they joined forces and created a talking gerbil, Herbert. A tiny creature to cherish and solidify their bond. Run for your life. I pooped myself. 'Twas a fool's errand.

'They go on a lot of picnics.'

"Last chance — where’s the wet food?"

'Go ahead, open it. It's a ball.'

'Why can't you just chew bones like other dogs?' (dog smoking pipe).

Captain's Log: Day 3 of Polly's cracker detox was a tough one...

"I'm prescribing a placebo. You'll have to explain to him that it's really working."

"Ya know, it wouldn’t kill you to bark."

'I feel ridiculous!'

'I'm sorry, we did all we could, but she had a severe case of curiosity.'

"Has anyone fed the goldfish?"

"Why can't you just hang out the window like all the other dogs!?"

"We'll be back Monday. Feed the cats, water the plants and ask for one-forty-two-five."

'My nipples are sore and I haven't been outside for days. That's why I'm growling.'

"My nose isn't wet and runny I think I'm getting a cold."

'Can't she practice birth control instead of getting fixed?'

Rabbit

'This is your bowl - keep it nice.'

' Emergency Pet Hospital? My Basset Hound got into my husband's Viagara...'