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Egg Buggy

'It's only temporary until we can find a good home for the cats.'

How did you get a talking gerbil? Long, long, long story. My mom was a geneticist. My dad was a zoologist. They were in love once, but they loved their science more, and grew far, far apart. To save the marriage, they joined forces and created a talking gerbil, Herbert. A tiny creature to cherish and solidify their bond. Run for your life. I pooped myself. 'Twas a fool's errand.

"Ya know, it wouldn’t kill you to bark."

"I'm training him to do chores."

"Guess who's the 'rendered'."

'I'm sorry, we did all we could, but she had a severe case of curiosity.'

'That's it for today. If you have any questions, ask the nurse. I can't hear a thing with these ear plugs in.'

"Mrs. Jennings, can Billy come out and smoke?"

"I can die at peace now knowing your toe nails are neatly clipped."

'It's a wonderful new drug...a sort of injectable garlic.'

"My dad works in surveillance."

"He won't wear the sweater I crocheted for him."

'To summarise the tariffs, sympathy is £19/day, empathy £27 and obsequy £34.'

We have dog spas, dog motels, dog walkers, dog designer clothes...

'Every time we go out for a steak dinner, Sander thinks he recongnizes...

"Santa set up the hotline because he knows not everyone is jolly this time of the year!"

"We have to buy her a good scratching post. She keeps going to a search engine and scratching a photo of one. We also have to buy another monitor."

'The owners all think the cats love his bedside manner...'

'I think it's time you tell Bruno about the fleas and the ticks.'

Brushing Under Man's Wig

'Wow, you actually suck worse than I do.'

Stay-at-homes have last laugh because of the travel chaos this Christmas.

Stone Crop

Kindergarten. No, arts and crafts is not difficult. I meant "I have my work cut out for me" literally. I'm not allowed to use scissors.

Nurse with a mobile made from medicines.

'Expecting a quick and east operation, Doctor?'

"My glass is empty again but I haven't had a drink."

'My chameleon has something wrong with it's leg.'