Chaotic Kitchen Captain T-Shirts

'Who the heck told my wife I had rights to parental leave?'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

Kitchen Tetris

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

"Yo - I'm way overdone in here!"

Is that pancake ready yet?

"Gracie, today I'm teaching you a Bermudez family tradition...passed down from generation to generation! Vamonos! Out! Now!"

"It's time you took a vacation, John. I said to 'marinate'... not 'palpate' the liver!"

Man's cooking explodes.

Ernie likes to fix things around the house. Just today he's fixed two sandwiches, three sundaes, and some microwave brownies.

"Karen's idea of wine reduction..."

Vegetable Cook

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

Recipe involving the switching off of the smoke alarm...

Ten out of ten for effort...

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

Anti-inflammation recipes

Cooking

'Gary freaked out a bit and went way off the griddle.'

'Do you want toast with that?'

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

Disaster in the kitchen.

Chef's Specials - Hissy Fits, Shouting and Swearing, Pompus Indigestion.

'Don't blame me - It's my husband's cooking!'

'Oh, yes. We often have people around when my Wife cooks... Usually, the fire brigade.'

Woman in need of an extractor fan.

"I mean, he does have a point."

One reason secret family recipes are usually best kept secret.

"Glad you have time for lunch today, honey."

"That is why you don't put 'instant rice' in a slow cooker."

Chef looking up confused, Waiter behind him with pancake on his head.

'Continue gently simmering for ten minutes...'