Channeling Gifts

"It appears to be a group message from the other side. Do you want to Reply All?"

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

'Me? Dislocated thumb from switching channels to catch all the Olympic events. . .'

"Oh, goody. More reality-based crap."

It's only a remote, dear...if you want better programs you will need a wand.

"In da house"

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

'500 channels...surely there must be something worth watching.'

"There's the remote!"

A signaller directing pallbearers

"Five million channels! This is heaven indeed!"

'I wish you'd hurry and decide which film you're going to sleep through.'

Man holding up a cowboy with his TV remote control.

"Sky, sir?"

'Must...find...something...intelligent..!'

"He thinks it's important to communicate with his plants."

The scourge of the 'burbs, cable pirates board another innocent hom in their unceasing search for that one extra channel, the occasional first-run movie, or the highly-prized pay-per-view sports events..

There's the pay TV remote, the set top box remote, the TV remote...now where did I put the worth watching remote?

God changes the channel with his remote.

'1875 - Captain Matthew Webb becomes the first man to swim the English Channel.'

'Now I can watch what I want, there's nothing I want to watch.'

'What is important, is that not only has Koko the gorilla been taught basic sign language, but that she can use that knowledge to communicate meaningful and complex ideas.'

'I tell you, he just sits in back of that thing all day.'

"I'm sorry, Steve. We voted you off the island."

Tweet

"When I first heard about the move from CBS to Fox, I was sad, because I figured that was it—it would never be the same. But then I had a revelation—an epiphany, if you will—and I realized that, hey, it will be the same. It will always be the same."

'Mozzie Mozzie Mozzie!' 'Oi!' 'Oi!' 'Oi!'

'Seeker of enlightenment, it may be wise to reconsider your mantra.'

Jeremy Corbyn Colouring Book

"Roughly translated, it says: this wall is now available on video and DVD."

Buddists singing 'Harvey Krishna,Harvey Krishna'

"And now, going for the 'Surfing Through All The Cable Channels In The Shortest Time' record..."

'What's it to be? An overbearing chef, an overbearing interior designer, or an overbearing gardener?'