Change Management Humorist Gifts

'And one and two and let change through and three and four and collapse on the floor.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"Leadership is all about knowing who to delegate responsibility for all your mistakes."

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.

'We've cut and pasted your list into 84 arbitrary sub-lists. Well, our work here is done.'

"Openness and transparency are a big part of our corporate mythos."

'Ever feel like you've walked into a corporate lion's den?'

"Damn it,Frank,if I can't bully my staff, who can I bully?"

'He likes a room where he can reverberate.'

'This is what happens when we give up our resistance to change.'

Change Management: Change can be ruf.

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the recruitment and training of new staff to replace the staff we laid off."

"Pendleton will stay afloat no matter what!"

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

"You bring up an important concern, but I'm looking for a problem that better fits my preconceived solution."

'Don't let anyone in without an appointment, and don't give anyone an appointment.'

Above reproach.

"Get me a young fella-me-lad with a jib I like the cut of."

"I have a recurring nightmare where the paradigm keeps shifting without me."

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

Job complaints on road signs.

Me and my money are soon parted

Change, Change, Change, Change.

Sometimes I feel the company would collapse if we weren't here.

'I know it's a lot of money but we can't avoid it any longer.'

'Nothing has come to my attention today and I want to know why.'

"I hate doing appraisals, it involves thinking about them."

'Just wanted to step in say: we have a great consulting firm on this floor.'

"I'm a big believer in micromanagement."

'A boy! Standing on a burning deck! I bet nobody did a risk assessment?'