Census Skeptic Gifts

Recycling bin for census questionnaires.

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

'Last year we increased sales by 100%.'

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

'Should I just hit 'reply to all' and save the government the trouble?'

"The president says it's a weather balloon."

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

Coincidence or What?

"You call yourselves a demographic?"

Please be seated. A jack booted government thug will be with you shortly.

'Don't hide behind sales figures, Bill. We both know terminating me is philosophically unsound.'

Vote Grinkley! Now you see him, now you don't.

'I'm going to be honest about this -- I'm from the Government, and I'm here to bamboozle you.'

"Would you have a moment to take a short survey about your experience?"

"A new survey shows only 3% of Americans take surveys, but everyone believes the stupid things."

Turnkey Totalitarianism

"Dad, this survey says too much study is bad for you..."

Door labelled: 'False Economy Analysis & Research.'

"Well, the census results are out, but a footnote says that the sheep count is probably inaccurate as the auditors often found themselves getting drowsy..."

Remember, statistics are in the eye of the manipulator.

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

"More government regulations, Mr. Maslin?"

"On a scale of one to ten. How happy would you say you are?"

"Afraid we can't help dear, too many other calls on the public purse!"

"Your call and personal data may be monitored for brainwashing purposes."

What's your stupid opinion on the following...

'Okay - Who built this site?'

"You didn't fill out our customer survey."

Survey: Congestion Charge is wonderful and Ken is a God. Agree/Strongly Agree/Utterly Agree/Agree Big Time.

Man with t-shirt: 'I think, therefore I don't vote'

Nothing to Lose But Our Knees

"I've torn up the questionnaire but am using the lovely pen you sent me"