Census Enthusiast Gifts

"Well, the census results are out, but a footnote says that the sheep count is probably inaccurate as the auditors often found themselves getting drowsy..."

'Ethnic origin? Put me down as mixed race.'

'Count me in.'

'Admit it - your name is going to be on more than one census form tonight, isn't it?'

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"Could I ask just one question?"

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

'Kroft, Kroft, Kroft...to thine own demographic be true!'

"Who knew we had so many dislikes in common?"

" I'm sorry. I was so busy listening to myself talk that I forgot what I was saying."

"Isn't us talking about how I would never take a ballroom dancing class an activity we're doing together?"

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

"I should warn you that many of John's thoughts are subliminal."

'Promise me you'll say Yes / No / Don't know ...'

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"Bob wait, let's do the survey first! Sir, on a scale of 1, poor, to 10, excellent, how would you rate our chase today?"

The Problem with World Population Growth

Annual Pollsters Convention. Wow, who could've predicted such a low turnout?

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

'Please, Ma'am — I'm running out of paper!'

"Let me through – I'm morbidly curious!"

"I'm just so relieved! I thought you didn't love me anymore, but now I realize I was just projecting!!"

Attention Span Man

"Eureka!!" "Guess again, Einstein."

'For? Against? Undecided? Uniformed? Apathetic? This is one accurate poll!'

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

"No, he's not in right now, he's out demographing."

When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross.

Big Talk/Small Talk.

"Are they called 'x-rays' because the alphabet wasn't finished when they were invented?"

"I wonder what this was for."

"Who's the artist?"

"Our latest survey shows our customers basically want just three things: prompt service, and apology when mistakes occur and to be treated politely..."

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

'What do you mean I've wolfed that down? You've never stopped nattering!'