Cemetery Conversationalist Gifts

"I can tell you exactly what he was compensating for."

"Dunno...they all look the same to me..."

'You just don't know when to give up, do you?'

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

Greek in gallery with Greek statues

"You sure are ringin' my bell, Baby!"

"Meanwhile, in the Memory Care Unit... I said, your secret’s safe with me."

'That was so funny. I haven't booed that loudly in years.'

'Quit interrupting me. You were always doing that.'

"Mom, Dad – I’d like you to meet Edna."

Too Much SOY

'I love your bangs.'

"Of course we've already had this conversation. There isn't a conversation we haven't already had."

'Still saving money to finish that nose job eh?'

'You give me flintstones. If great light climbs up sky again tomorrow, I keep stones. If great light don't climb up sky, you lose stones.'

"I feel like we're drifting apart."

'I'm just sayin', with this cute little face and my big fluffy tail, I never really thought of myself as vermin!'

"Behold, as I guide our conversation to my narrow area of expertise."

'I chase women, but only to tell them about investment opportunities.'

"Sure, we have problems, but at least we can talk about them."

"There's a smidgen of Charlie Rose about you."

Men telling stories

"Oh my God, mother! That is, like, so passive-aggressive!"

'Tomb of the unkown Scottish goalie.'

"I'm going to put a fir branch on my husband's grave. He always hated fir branches."

"I told him we're becoming an endangered species. He just laughed."

Oakland cemetery: moved!

"He sure could talk on the C.B. radio."

"Actually, I'm not a New York Yankees fan. I'm a New York Yankees cap fan."

Here lies Rufus J. Tosser. Inventor of the boomerang hand grenade.

In a cemetery a man's gravestone reads: Ran Out Of Survival Tips.

"It's so nice just to be dead for the summer."