Cemetery Chuckle Gifts

'You just don't know when to give up, do you?'

Pet Cemetery.

'You will now be presented with your degrees. That is, of course, after you jump through another one of our little hoops.'

"The subwoofers really help."

'He always said he wouldn't be seen dead with his shirt outside his trousers - he'll be livid.'

"You may now kiss the... Oh, I see you have already done that!"

Dead Man's Handel

'That was so funny. I haven't booed that loudly in years.'

"Dearly beloved - We gather today to honor the life of the greatest magician of our time."

I told myself I wasn't going to cry at his funeral

"His last wish was that we delete his browsing history."

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

Rudolph unblocking a chimney

"You fool! This isn't embalming fluid, this is my coffee."

'She was always very proud of her figure.'

'There's no talking to him when he's like this.'

'You're sure that's one of the stages of grief?'

'This sucks. Let's try and start the wave.'

Snake funerals.

The four hearsemen with the Alpaca lips.

"We were out of embalming fluid so we stuffed your wife with wild rice."

"He sure could talk on the C.B. radio."

"She looks sooo good."

"Never lend money to anyone over 90."

"I'm going to put a fir branch on my husband's grave. He always hated fir branches."

'First, let me emphasize that the open casket was his idea.'

"He thinks you're playing fetch."

'Thank you very much, but they don't want it inside. The deceased is allergic to flowers.'

'Some people couldn't make it today, but they've sent a few tweets...'

"The main problem for you must be the constant itching under you bandages..."

"He wanted to be buried how he lived his life."

Merry Christmas

"Sir, did the piano die?"

Chinese Funerals.

In a cemetery a man's gravestone reads: Ran Out Of Survival Tips.