Cemetery Critic Gifts

''Larry this' and 'Larry that'. . . And no one has anything nice to say about the hole.'

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

"It had to go - there were historical links with slavery."

"Please excuse our appearance while our records are being impounded."

"The school construction budget is so small we can't even afford to build a snowman."

Pop up begger.

"That's perfect! The bloody door is too small!"

'That was so funny. I haven't booed that loudly in years.'

Right now my brother Al is paying a psychiatrist a hundred bucks an hour to hear his troubles, while I'm drinking beer and telling you mine at happy hour prices. Obviously, Al IS the crazy one.

'I'm the one who sold King Tut his tomb. The commission was huge.'

"Do I take it that we can't be guaranteed your vote in the forthcoming election?"

"I'm sorry, Frank. I know it's more environmentally friendly but your new campfire program really doesn't provide the right atmopshere."

Too Much SOY

"Excuse me - could you tell me which recession we are in at the moment?"

"You didn't fill out our customer survey."

"Mom, Dad – I’d like you to meet Edna."

'He's supposed to be the world's oldest turtle!'

London Congestion & Polution Zone - 'What's your problem? I thought Boris was in charge now.'

'It just seem excessive, somehow -- buying a big-screen, high-definition TV to watch Geraldo with.'

"That was a boring field trip."

Safety Pin

"You read the exit sign. The eye chart is behind you."

"But we make a killing on auto repairs...if we encourage people to fix things themselves first."

Two women are hosting a radio show called Ask Sadie.

End of the Pier Show

"You in there! This is the Microsoft Police. Throw out your books and come out with your hands up."

Robot Bores

Fat Cats and Dogs

"We've got kind of a noir thing happening here, Manny. The girlie cigarette doesn't exactly add."

"This is not the sleeping beauty I paid good money to see!"

"Hang on, Mother. The paramedics are on the way. I'll be right back—just going to check the score of the Blackhawks game."

'Aside from the cockroach, how was everything?'

"I feel like we're drifting apart."