Cell Phone Etiquette Jokers Pillows

BRINGGGG!, 'I TOLD you to turn off your cell phone!'

'WD-40 un-sticks things that should move and duct tape makes things that shouldn't move, stop.'

'What do you like about winter? I like these crisp, cold morning walks in the glistening snow.' 'I like how you can keep your extra beer outside.'

'Bummer Dude! No waves. Moondoggie punked me!'

'It's a text from Mike - Sorry I'm L8 B THR in a crrrrassssssh!!! ARRRRGGGHHH....;p'

'So the guidance suggests that if anyone threatens you, throw it them.'

"You have reached the Office of Status Quo. Relax. No need to listen carefully. Our menu options never change."

'I won't be taking any more calls today. I threw my phone out the window.'

'Oh...the IRS called. Something about an audit. I told them we weren't interested.'

"Are you busy or are you at work?"

'That's what I said,dear-your dinner's in the chippie..'

"Ooooh....I'm a naughty girl - I've caught a mouse and now I'm just playing with it..."

"Kayakers Fred! Let's surface next to them and check the look on their faces!"

'The truth is, Gorillas don't even like bananas...They just love pratfalls.'

"Who on earth would call on a landline? How rude!"

To save space, we eliminated hallways and doors, by adding catwalk and ladders.

How electric eels "welcome" door-to-door salesmen

Watch for Men Being Supid

'Derek knew that someone, somewhere must have designed a car with a shopping basket.'

The Gardener's Calendar: If your fish pool is covered with ice...make a hole in it.

'I can't talk... I'm in the quiet carriage.' - '3...2...1...' - 'What? I can't hear you... you're breaking up...' - 'Brace! Brace!' - 'I said 'I'm in the quiet carriage'!!!' - 'Irony crash.'

'Please hold for an eternity...'

How to avoid a heart attack.

"I took your advice."

'O.K. people, it's time to test our work...'

'Nope! Wrong again! Let's try it again... around and around... now which cup is your nitroglycerin tablet under?'

'No cup holder?'

"Dave's away from his desk, I'm afraid. Can I take a message, or read you his browser history."

"Elijah didn't hear God's voice in the powerful wind, or in the earthquake, or the fire, but just then a call came in on his cell..."

"Hey, Tarzan – no need to yell."

'You spent all day mashing a can of a hundred baked beans and drawing a little man on them to look like pennies?'

"Shaving your head takes the guesswork out of going bald."

Seagull humour.

Have a CRAPPY New Year!

Transporting helium balloons in mid air.