Celibacy Jokesters Pillows

"Bit big for a cherub, isn't it, Brother Ignatious?"

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"But you didn't say they had to make sense - you just told us to write a thousand words a day."

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

'What, not even a kiss first?'

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'

Practical joke, violent offender rehab center: 'Relate to me!'

'We're all gonna have lovely hangovers in the morning!'

Robot porn.

'I know you're tired of hearing the same old political cliches, but I believe in recycling.'

'If at first you don't succeed, do it the way I told you to.'

'Any idea why your boyfriend is handing out cigars in the pub?'

'What can we do for you?' - 'I need a song removed from my mind.'