Celibacy Humor Enthusiasts Pillows

'Not having second thoughts, are we, Brother Thomas?'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

"They're comfortable."

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

'I said you're next, Hibblemeyer. . . Hibblemeyer!'

Stairlift around cliff face.

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"Yeah, I don't like this part either."

The First Fire Stick

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

"She wishes to range free!"

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

"Bill did the voice-over for this commercial."

Coming Soon! More Stuff You Could Live Without!

"...And that's how to translate honey into money."

How Amazon was invented

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'

King on the toilet whilst jester laughs because the toilet paper is out of reach.

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

Divine Desk Bins

A Mix Up Between the Buggy and Lawn Mower.

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."