Celibacy Ponderer Pillows

'I'm sorry, but I can only love you like a brother.'

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

In/Out/These Things Happen.

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

Chiller Theatre

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

"Have you been playing dice?"

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'Oh, so now the ocean isn't GOOD enough for you?'

Sauce for the Goose

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

A man deflates and dissolves into the ground and becomes a flower.

"When we're home, are we still aliens?"

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

"I'm learning to live with existence."

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

'Half an optimist is an odd bird, Sarah.'

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

Ten Commandments

'Look at it another way. Happiness can't buy you money!'

"I cross the road to forget."

"Is this who I am?"

'I hate to tell you this, but enlightenment just isn't for commuters.'

The Price of Freedom

Afraid of change - leave it here.

The probability of an event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.

'As I recall you were the one who told him that he couldn't take it with him.'

"It all started when I read somewhere that happiness is an inside job. Naturally, I assumed some breaking and entering was involved."