Celibacy Pillows

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

'Poppy - I have no issue with you being a Bi-polar, celibate vegan. It's just that your Aura's the wrong colour.'

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

"Staff support"

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

"Guess who brought king cake!"

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"You may now kiss the bride..."

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

Priest's 'To do' list.

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Golfing Bishop.

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

'Is that where you keep the banned books?'

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

Trappist Monk Discord

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

Toy Shops and Educated Children

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

A child interrupting family prayers

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

The Kids' Table at the Last Supper

Cleric with bible briefcase.

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

"Honey, I’ve found God!"