Rhetoric Jokesters Pillows

'I know you're tired of hearing the same old political cliches, but I believe in recycling.'

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

Wind Tunnel of Love.

Extremely Practical Jokes.

"So yeah - This is my ideal first date."

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"But you didn't say they had to make sense - you just told us to write a thousand words a day."

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

Consenting Adults.

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

Man on desert island using elastic to shoot him off the island.

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

'What, not even a kiss first?'

"Maybe we'd kiss better if we had lips."

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

'He's just de-man's-best-friended me.'

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'

Practical joke, violent offender rehab center: 'Relate to me!'

Increase Your Height.

'We're all gonna have lovely hangovers in the morning!'

Robot porn.

'Any idea why your boyfriend is handing out cigars in the pub?'