Celebrity Circle Scout Gifts

"It's touching, actually, to see white dudes fumble around for a few last moments in the spotlight."

'It's not for myself, you understand."

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

'-Not THE Queen Vic?'

Young boy thinks he's spotted an old rocker.

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

"'Mr. Evans,' she said to me with that adorable smile, 'I think you're the nicest boy in the entire old-boy network.'"

"I'm not an Antony Gormley, I am Antony Gormley."

'Get me public relations!'

"I was at a party with SO many famous people, I was the only one there I'd never heard of..!"

The Acme Agency: "Dedicated to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Media Exposure."

Polar Bear Paparazzi.

'I told you I'd make you a star.'

'Actually,no. It isn't okay to have a little chat and sign a few autographs!'

'It's very exclusive - if you bump into a celebrity you get a full refund.'

Restraining orders from the stars.

"Should I as for an autograph? The cow's famous. It was in a Far Side cartoon."

"If small stars keep planets in line, what do big stars do?"

Maps of the Human Genome

'I want to be a professional Polo player too when I grow up...Can I have your autograph please?'

"He loves to give autographs!"

"Five minutes, General."

'Hey, isn't that that bloke off the telly?'

'I'm worried that I might have slept through my 'fifteen minutes of fame'.'

"Oh, Herb. Not Another Open Letter To Miley Cyrus."

"Hey! This was rubber stamped!"

"Are you expecting someone, Caroline?"

Maps to talk-show guests' homes.