Celebrity Circle Scout Gifts

"It's touching, actually, to see white dudes fumble around for a few last moments in the spotlight."

News and Magazines. Celebrity gossip. Sports scandals. Political bickering. We're out of the "information age" and well into the "too much information age"!

Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup? A scene from an Esther Williams movie.

'It's not for myself, you understand."

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

Young boy thinks he's spotted an old rocker.

'-Not THE Queen Vic?'

Maps to the homes of guys with friends who know some of the limo drivers of the personal trainers of the stars.

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

John Barth wrote "Everyone is necessarily the hero of his own life story." That he did, little buddy. But what if a person spends most of his life watching tv, films, Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, etc? What if my -- I mean, this person's -- life story is watching other people's life stories? Does that make other people the hero of this person's story? Sometimes I don't know where I end and Kanye begins. That'd be somewhere around Kim Kardashian.

"I'm not an Antony Gormley, I am Antony Gormley."

Parents start infant on the way to fame.

"'Mr. Evans,' she said to me with that adorable smile, 'I think you're the nicest boy in the entire old-boy network.'"

'Get me public relations!'

The Acme Agency: "Dedicated to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Media Exposure."

"I was at a party with SO many famous people, I was the only one there I'd never heard of..!"

'It's very exclusive - if you bump into a celebrity you get a full refund.'

Polar Bear Paparazzi.

'Actually,no. It isn't okay to have a little chat and sign a few autographs!'

"Should I as for an autograph? The cow's famous. It was in a Far Side cartoon."

'I told you I'd make you a star.'

Restraining orders from the stars.

"If small stars keep planets in line, what do big stars do?"

Kathryn Morris

Maps of the Human Genome

'I want to be a professional Polo player too when I grow up...Can I have your autograph please?'

"He loves to give autographs!"

'I'm worried that I might have slept through my 'fifteen minutes of fame'.'

'Hey, isn't that that bloke off the telly?'

"Oh, Herb. Not Another Open Letter To Miley Cyrus."

"Five minutes, General."

"Are you expecting someone, Caroline?"

"Hey! This was rubber stamped!"