Catalog Connoisseurs Gifts

Chimp with mail-order anthill.

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

'No, that's not my shaving lotion. We've been burning cow chips in the wood stove.'

'Enter, 'The Globoracy'.'

Workout clothes: 'One size fits none.'

"I hope he's wearing pants."

'I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was busy critiquing your outfit?'

"It's all locally-sourced, made from scratch."

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

"FYI – your camel hair blazer started it."

A tailor measuring a jacket.

Young man standing with hands in pockets because it is the fashion at his college

"But now it won't stay in mint condition."

"No this is timeless classic menswear appreciation. Hipster beatnik is Tuesday nights."

'How about if we choose teams based on who has the coolest stamp collection.'

'Now we come to what it would have been worth'

'I hope you are not playing God again . . .'

'I've got a question. If your answer is 'Yes', I'll hate you. If your answer is 'No', I'll hate you, too. The question is, do you think I need a new dress because I'm looking fat in this one?'

' I hear she was quite the collector...'

'What terrible pre-Christmas gift catalogue have you got hold of now?'

I'm thinking of something in a Cheddar.

"We are looking for the non-yucky apparel."

The Priceless Ming Vase Relays.

"Do you do these in sheep?"

"...And when the world economy collapses, we all stand up and take over! Agreed?"

I'm sorry, they don't make dresses large on the inside and small on the outside!

'Your baseball card has more value than you do.'

"It depends on what attitude you wish to convey. This, for example, is part of our 'contempt' line."

'Do you buy any chance have a gazelle print shirt?'

"It's not just a special advertising section,- it's a very special advertising section."

'Do you have this in a smaller size?' - 'Is she nuts! She's way too big for that size. She'll destroy it if she tries it on...but if I don't answer her soon she'll destroy me...'