Catalogue Connoisseur Gifts

"Hey, wanna get kinky and read each other's catalogues?"

'Oh, yeah that - I'm in the mail order business.'

Reading my Critics

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

The writers group met every Tuesday for support and fellowship.

'The bigger they are... The harder they hit!'

'No, that's not my shaving lotion. We've been burning cow chips in the wood stove.'

'Enter, 'The Globoracy'.'

'I preferred her in the margarine commercial.'

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

"They must be having a two-for-one promotion tonight."

"The big money doesn't seem to be in Pretzels anymore."

Barbed Pen

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

'Let me guess: you and everyone else?'

Creative department ?

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

"The first three chapters read like they were written by some guy on a couch."

"It's all locally-sourced, made from scratch."

Man sleeping with newspaper at gentlemen's club

"It's too academic."

Film Critic

The Croucho Club

'How about if we choose teams based on who has the coolest stamp collection.'

'Now we come to what it would have been worth'

'This course is a great ego builder.'

'... And that's all from this bulletin. But I'll be back with more bad news at six.'

"$68,000? You said that deceptive ad would cost me $23,000."

The Priceless Ming Vase Relays.

"...And when the world economy collapses, we all stand up and take over! Agreed?"

' I hear she was quite the collector...'