Cat Cafeteria Connoisseur Gifts

'Care to join me in a tuna casserole?'

Cat croissant, cat baguette, cat muffin, cat turnover

'Do you have any catsup?'

'Who had the ocean whitefish and tua paté?'

"And for dessert, I'd like the mice pudding."

'Is that the smell of fear? Or is it just Meatloaf Monday in the cafeteria?'

"Here comes the quote unquote dog whisperer."

'Uh-oh, Ben's making his move on Goldie's food again.'

"MOUSE FLAVORED CAT FOOD"

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

"Excuse me, but I'm the only one who opens cans around here!"

'I want a big breakfast.. there are a lot of contended female cats in the neighborhood this morning.'

"I didn't know they could make so many entrees with vegetables!"

"What the?! Have you read about the Schrodinger's cat paradox? That's really twisted dude!"

"It's only the wind."

"I tried dog food once. It tasted like chicken."

"My depression is currently being treated with a combination of prescription medication and low-fat frozen yogurt."

"The wings help. Now pick up the bowl and I'll chase it around the room a bit."

"They love me...they really, really love me!"

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

"When dad cooks dinner, it's hard to tell if he's opening cans for us or the cat."

"Herbert, don't! This is a gourmet coffee shop! You order instant de-caf and there's going to be trouble!"

"Number two all over but leave it shaggy on top"

Rex had always suspected his wife was being unfaithful, but it was worse than that...much worse.

Leslie would regret bringing her cat to the pet store.

'May I have two containers - fish for my cat, meat for the dog...vegetables divided as follows, one-fourth for the cat, three-fourths for the dog, but no carrots for the cat - kitty doesn't like carrots...'

Have you ever sued anyone for slander or libel, Randy? Indeed I have, little buddy. It was 1979. Francis Melba stood up in the middle of the cafeteria and accused me - in front of all the other kids - of being "nothing special." So I stood atop my table, ripped my shirt in two, slowly smoothed out my mustache, and then proceeded to flex my pecs, one at a time. HOJ. The sunlight streaming in through the windows scattered off my bouncing pecs like a disco ball. That's when Melba knew he was toast.

"Yesterday's weenies have migrated in with today's nuggets."

"Whoa! Just decaf today. I only had 15 hours of sleep yesterday."

'Hmmm, the 27th you say... Yes, I'm away that day, so I guess it's OK for you to play...'

'Freshly ground catnip on your salad?'

'Couldn't you, and your ... your naked fur go sit somewhere else?'

101 uses of a dead cat: lectern

'...paddlecat is said to have contributed to much of the tension that exists between the two species, even today.'

'C'mon. Just a few counties can't hurt.'