Casualty Comedian Gifts

Drunks brought into A&E: Alcohol and Emergent Sick.

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

Footballer with a broken leg and a ball in his cast.

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

'This is your lucky day!'

Basketball injuries.

"I did warn you about doing that, Gorak. . ."

'Guns Galore Inc' 'Prolong your Life'

A Not So Grand Slam.

'How was my emergency stop?'

Career Threatening Sport Injuries,

"He's brutal but considerate - that's his victims' support number, NHS direct."

Athlete

"I said, you have to be active in your own rescue!"

Cotton candy

Freak Accident Specialist

When Pyromaniacs Buy A Home: 'This is a great starter home.'

"Okay scouts, that ends today's online soldering session!"

'I tried to slam a revolving door.'

"And hold the mayo."

'Do you remember what make of car it was, sir? -- We'll have to order parts.'

Spawn of Satan on board.

'I swear this self driving car is falsifying it's records to avoid an insurance rate hike."

Dual Airbags

'It doesn't work...'

'He's so unlucky that he gets into accidents that started happening to someone else.'

"I did a risk assessment of the dangers of not doing a risk assessment, and decided it wasn't worth it."

Gingerbread man in Emergency room.

'Excuse me,Sir, but me and the rest of the work force think this dress code probably violates OSHA rules.'

'Number of days since last accident' a man is falling off of ladder while trying to post numbers...

'They might satisfy Health and Safety, but I still think the Hi-Vis jackets send a mixed message.'

"Well done!"

'Chainsaw Championships.'

'I told you to wear your hard hat.'

The end is nigh.