Safety Comedist Gifts

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

'Another one? Do you realize it will make the third time this month we've held a fire drill?'

Noah's life jacket demonstration

Driving on the Beach - Lifeguard on a hydraulic lift.

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

Safety Barriers

Mountain Climber With Pillow Padding.

Fire door.

"Ya know, that cork was there for a reason."

Fume Leaks on aeroplane - 'Perfume? Drinks? Air?'

'Sander's a bit high isn't it?'

'Guns Galore Inc' 'Prolong your Life'

"I did warn you about doing that, Gorak. . ."

'Chef told me I had to have guard before I used the mixer!'

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

'The most important safety rule to follow when doing anything dangerous is to first find out who can sue you when you get hurt.'

'As a part of a cost-cutting experiment all of our safety measures will be replaced with these good luck charms.'

Health & Safety Official Tester.

Jet Turbine Testing Area

Drunks brought into A&E: Alcohol and Emergent Sick.

"Safe? Of course it's safe! I do fireworks every year!"

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

Security at the Smaller Airports

'I'm bored, what can I do?' 'Go and play with your Junior Bomb Disposal kit.'

Athlete

Danger: Reading warning signs costs lives.

"I said, you have to be active in your own rescue!"

"And WHATEVER you do DON'T FALL DOWN THE STEPS or put your finger in the ELECTRICITY socket."

'I baked it especially for you.'

'Oh no, he's only the Health and Safety Officer.'

Living life dangerously 2010.

"What makes you think we have to contact OSHA?"

'No, no, I've gone through all the steps in the procedure and I don't see anything about totally immersing yourself in oil before starting the job!!

Department of Health and Safety: Knock (but not too loudly or you may suffer knuckle bruising) And Enter (Beware of tripping over the fireproof carpet).

'Get back...there's a thermometer in that filing cabinet that could leap out, smash on the floor and give someone a mild headache.'