Cartoonist Humorist Gifts

"Sir, multiple people were stabbed by a terrorist in..."

Daisy had the fastest udders in the west field.

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

Occu-Pie Mars

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

"Hulk no can be mad at Mr. Puppy Face"

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

'Joe took the day off to go to the ball game. So I'll be sitting in for him until he gets back. Would you like me to fetch you something?'

Can You Spot the Differences?

"We only got six days of funding."

Torturing the English Language

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"Either that's Marmaduke with a lizard's head in front of us, or I really mixed up my meds."

Claus 2.0

Trump pardons

'Some of those youngsters have come up with a terrific new idea - feathers.'

Sure, he likes it here - he's a cartoonist.

The aliens froze, gripped by a primal fear. This time there would be no abduction.

'Run, run, as fast as you can!'

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

"You've changed."

Shampoo.

"The hyenas started it."

Where Indian ink came from.

Mister Bundles VS. The Martians - Part Thirty Four

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

"Elementary, my dear Watson- the cartoonist did it."

"Don’t worry, this guy is totally cool. Just don’t mention the Red Baron."

Man, my cat sneaks into the weirdest spots.

"The best part is that we got hell to pay for it."

CIA report

It isn't widely known that Michelangelo was the first in a long line of cartoonists to buck the family tradition.

Fiscal cliff - US dollar falling over the edge.

Barbeque Casualty.