Cartoon Loving Humorist Gifts

David Petraeus

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

Billy. The Kid.

'Run, run, as fast as you can!'

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

Why can't you just chew the squeaker out like normal dogs?

Fiscal cliff - US dollar falling over the edge.

Barbeque Casualty.

"Can you juggle a household, three kids, and a career?"

"Now there's something you don't see everyday. How long have you been using dachshunds as sled dogs.?"

I told you we were late!

"This seat with extra legroom is great."

"How long before the clinical trials are over?"

Snowman ice fishing.

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

"I don't think I can fit that into my schedule, Irv. I've got a fishing boat to attack this morning, a beach to terrorize this afternoon and a feeding frenzy this evening!"

"Sir, multiple people were stabbed by a terrorist in..."

"At lease we managed to stop the leak before the water reached 'E' Deck."

"We didn’t have enough in the budget to replace you with a real robot."

'It's not a desert island - it's Australia.'

"Consumer confidence remains high as long as we keep them distracted buying stuff."

Old West Bounty Hunter.

'Ugh, we've got termites, destructive little pests.'

'That's what I like about you Roberts, you're not afraid to get out there and take a risk.'

'We'll see significant savings in health care costs with our new in-house operations.'

IRS: The country is broke, but your taxes cannot be construed as 'Charity to the Poor'.

Witch dice.

"Blog always makes it all about Blog."

God Bless America, God Help Syria

"A cluck cluck here and a cluck cluck there,...is that all I meant to you?"

"Well, I'm not a lone wolf on purpose! I was separated from my pack over three months ago and I can't find it again. . ."

'No, Rusty, this one! You're barking up the wrong tree.'

Dear Diary, 36 weeks on this island and I'm starting to feel that I'll never get rescued."