Cartoon T-Shirts

'As my mentor, I sometimes question the advice you've given...'

'Credit is a wonderful gimmick that lets you start at the bottom and dig yourself into a hole.'

'Two Aspirins'...'Brain Tumor'

'The three little pigs attended a professional development seminar on dealing with bullies and they were never bothered by the big bad wolf again.'

For the 5th time in as many nights, Herb is awakened by his restless-leg syndrome.

'Will you stop placing these obstacles everywhere?...'

'I'm sorry to disturb you, but new health and safety rules prohibit me from climbing down your chimney.'

"Old people in Hell"

'I don't know who those Cybers are, but I'm ready for their attack!'

Lethal Drops of Alcohol.

Virgin Mary reads card: 'SORRY! The Angel Gabriel called to bring you glad tidings of great joy, but you were out.'

'Try doing something constructive this summer, like going out and capturing some of your school clothes.'

Fearing insurance rate increases if he had another accident claim, Dave tries a new harness system.

Mea Maxima Cuppa

Stork Delivering Fish

"Just as I suspected. These things make everything louder."

Actual vs. imagined response.

"I'm sorry, all the emergency services are busy at the moment - please hold."

'Encumbered by low self esteem, Raymond takes a job as a speed bump.'

Man sweeps dust under carpet and small man sweeps it out.

'My name is Rudolph and I am an alcoholic.'

Horoscope - Look out for Large Windfall (Man crushed by giant apple).

'Did you hear that? I hope the mice haven't returned.'

'You haven't been eating your carrots, have you?'

'Do you have to be so melodramatic?'

NHS waste.

'Tragedy struck when Larry, the druggist, mistakenly filled the prescription with RED capsules.'

"We're Beatrice."

Rugby player scores with boot but not the ball.

'Careful there, Mort, that's bleach. You don't want to get any of that on your clothes.'

"Bloody Hell Famine! Was that your stomach?"

"You're wearing a sleep mask ... "

"Believe me, Mr. Roberts, checking the wear on a job applicant's molars is just basic company routine."

Hot, Medium, Mild, Con Queso

"Sure, that's right. Blame the pineapple."