Carpenter Gifts

"Larry made that chair from a pile of sticks."

The Contract & The Change Orders.

'Well, they were the low bidders.'

'Are you ready for me to read the instructions yet?'

Extra parts to confuse people.

'David discards his measuring tape for the faster 'eyeballing' method of measuring.'

'Sorry Dad, but my true passion is for making furnitures, not dams...'

'Don't tell me how to work safely! I've been at this job for over five years!'

"Measure twice, cut once...and curse three times!"

'I do not change the building codes every week. I do it every other week.'

'The only way to survive these days is to diversify.'

'I found the termites!'

Man next to trees selling Unfinished Furniture.

"Don't tell me how to work safely! I've been at this job for five years!"

Hammer Drill

DIY horror.

Dave took his motto, 'Roofing done in one hour' seriously, even nailing shingles before plywood had been put down.

"Well, they were the low bidders."

'Mary, I believe in historic preservation, too, but ... '

"No, lad, we aren't movers. We're just Shakers."

'I'd like you to meet the saw, the hammer and, well, you know the drill.'

'It's OK, we're letting the lumber age.'

Li'l Bill meets destiny.

New green building materials: Pseudo-plywood made from ground up avocado seeds mixed with tofu.

'MY husband made the coffee table out of an old door.'

'...Or does it go 'measure twice and cut once'?'

Man must make unfinished furniture from tree limb.

'I think this is deep enough for the foundations!'

"I haven't a clue what it does, but I don't know how I managed without it."

This will be an environmentally sound house built entirely from trees that fell over naturally from old age.

'Your table will be ready shortly.'

Fearing insurance rate increases if he had another accident claim, Dave tries a new harness system.

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

'Of course, some assembly is required. That's why my bid was so low.'

"Looks like you've got carpenter ants."