Calm Carpenter Gifts

Enlightened Cursing

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

Jack of all trades

'Hmph. College kids.'

'The BOSS sent me down to help rebuild your faith.'

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

Kid with messed up project in Wood Shop, titled: 'Wouldn't Shop'

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

Fight or Flight

Shed Into Dream Playhouse.

'How many studio apartment construction projects did you say you'd worked on before?'

Tool Box

Rocking horse

"Measure twice, cut once...and curse three times!"

'I found the termites!'

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

This will be an environmentally sound house built entirely from trees that fell over naturally from old age.

I did it my way.

Schubert's Unfinished Basement

Another All Steel Home Built By Wit Construction.

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

'I don't know what he gets up to in there, but it keeps him busy.' (Noises are recorded, man reads paper, has beer.)

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

'A cousin to the hammerhead, here we see the allusive, yet, handy, multi-use shark.'

Don't let the woodcutters get too close or they'll make a fuel out of you!

'MY husband made the coffee table out of an old door.'

'You certainly have a well equipped workbench.'

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

'I suppose you want Polly to forget she heard that.'

'Would you be interested in attending a stress management seminar?'