Calm Carpenter Gifts

Enlightened Cursing

Jack of all trades

'Hmph. College kids.'

'The BOSS sent me down to help rebuild your faith.'

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

Kid with messed up project in Wood Shop, titled: 'Wouldn't Shop'

'How many studio apartment construction projects did you say you'd worked on before?'

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

Tool Box

Shed Into Dream Playhouse.

Fight or Flight

Rocking horse

"Measure twice, cut once...and curse three times!"

'I found the termites!'

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

This will be an environmentally sound house built entirely from trees that fell over naturally from old age.

Schubert's Unfinished Basement

I did it my way.

Another All Steel Home Built By Wit Construction.

'A cousin to the hammerhead, here we see the allusive, yet, handy, multi-use shark.'

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

'I don't know what he gets up to in there, but it keeps him busy.' (Noises are recorded, man reads paper, has beer.)

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

'MY husband made the coffee table out of an old door.'

'You certainly have a well equipped workbench.'

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

'I suppose you want Polly to forget she heard that.'

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

'Would you be interested in attending a stress management seminar?'