Calm Coach Gifts

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

Bite out of fishing pier.

Meditation

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

Captain looks out of a porthole and notices that the ship is sinking.

Need an elevated state of mind too!

"Looking cool in a car takes practice."

"Remember, Mort: Courage isn't the absence of fear. Courage is remaining media-savvy in the face of fear!"

Enlightened Cursing

'Please join me now in a group meditation.'

'Taking the anger management class has made you uncharacteristically nice, sir.'

'Remember, son. A winner is one who can keep his head while all around him are losing theirs.'

Tai Chi vs. Chai Tea

"Mommy needs to get mad at you in a weird calm voice now."

"Oh, you mellow with age alright: I even like the postman now..."

"It wasn't me jumping up and down and yelling in class. It was the sugar talking."

'The therapy is working... I don't use all caps in emails anymore.'

Don't laugh. It's added three points to his scores.

'If you can keep your head while all about are losing theirs...'

"Darn it, she's unreachable when she gets her inbox down to zero."

"This is sheer bloody mindfulness."

'Stocks remained unchanged on news iit's best to let a sleeping dog lie.'

"No matter how dire the problem...no more memos that start with 'YIKES!'"

"We always take one piece out."

"Your blood pressure is completely normal. Are you sure you're married with children?"

'I'm shaking a bit!'

This is a library - no sonic booms, please.

"He's in lockdown."

Tai Chi

Phil's new yoga-golf technique was beginning to perturb the others.

Don't be alarmed. I'm not falling for it, loser. You can't make Sadie Cohen worry about nothing just by uttering three dumb words. It's probably nothing. Those three won't work either! Nobody panic. Two words won't work either! Munch mun -

'Nicholson is stressed out from teaching stress management classes!'

"Since Bob's started meditation, he's been able to control his foul temps a lot better..."

"Those rocks? Oh, they're not a problem until we actually hit them."

Camomile Tea